Is Marriage Hard for Highly Educated Women? Part 1

Is marriage hard for highly educated women?

It's a question that the highly educated women among our clients ask without exception.

If a woman is highly capable, is marriage really harder?

Generally, yes. In fact, according to Statistics Korea, women with a graduate degree or higher had roughly twice the unmarried rate of men with the same level of education.

But I've actually guided highly educated clients all the way to marriage.

Marriage for a highly educated woman seemed realistically out of reach... so how did it happen?

Let's find out through real cases from my clients.

[Ms. A, whose master's degree is both her strength and her weakness]

Ms. A, whose highest degree is a master's, is 33 this year. She recently broke up with her boyfriend and fell into a dilemma.

She'd fallen in love with someone a friend casually introduced her to, and they started dating.

At first everything seemed great, but as they dated she found he was carrying a lot of debt and could barely cover a month's living expenses. His education wasn't high either, so their conversations kept missing each other.

Then he broke up with her out of insecurity over his financial problems, and that's when Ms. A came in for counseling.

Ms. A wanted to get back together, and I carefully brought something up.

Me: "Ms. A, do you want to get married?"

Ms. A: "Yes, I do."

Me: "Then is this person really someone you'd marry, someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?"

Ms. A: "...I don't think so."

And so Ms. A, who had come in hoping to reconcile, started "Ideal Type Design" with me.

What stood out was that she listed her graduate degree as both her strength and her weakness.

"When a woman says she went to grad school, a lot of men seem to feel intimidated.

So I put it under weaknesses."

[Ms. B, a pharmacist who says both ability and looks matter]

Ms. B, a pharmacist, is 35 this year. She feels the deadline for marriage closing in.

Out of anxiety she goes on blind dates set up by friends, and on the formal matchmaking meetings people call "seon."

She's been introduced to countless professional men, doctors, tax accountants, pharmacists, and more,

but not one of them appeals to her. Good jobs, high level of knowledge...

She can tell they've worked hard in life, and with their level of knowledge, conversation flows well enough.

But... why are they all paunchy middle-aged men?

On a recent blind date, one middle-aged doctor confessed his love at the very first meeting, but it was too much and she turned him down.

She didn't think she was asking for a lot.

She doesn't need him to be handsome, or to dress well.

Just unremarkable looks and neat clothes, really the bare basics,

and yet even that is nearly impossible to find.

A friend offers to introduce someone who's her type looks-wise...

But he has only a regular bachelor's degree, and when she asks what he does, it turns out he owns a small neighborhood cafe.

After some deliberation, she politely declined.

She doesn't mean to rank people, but from past relationships

she's felt that unless someone has walked a similar path, the conversation just has a different texture.

Her friends say she should be with someone like that doctor who confessed to her, someone whose specs fit and who has eyes only for her,

but at 35, she simply doesn't want to bother meeting anyone unless he's decent-looking.

Can Ms. B get married...?

Reading these two stories, some of you will feel they don't sound like someone else's story at all.

Do highly educated women really have to lower their standards or give something up in order to get married?

I'll introduce the solution I gave my clients in the next part.