Why You Can't Meet a Good Man - For Women (Part 1)
Everyone around me seems to land a decent man and get married just fine, so why am I the only one who still hasn't met a good man? I don't feel like I'm lacking anything... Some of you have thought this.
Rather than vaguely guessing, you need to know the exact reason before you can meet a good man.
There's also a section at the end of this column on how to actually meet a good man, so read it carefully.
First, "the reason you can't meet a good man" is that you don't know, because you've never met one.
You assume his life would be no different from your own. Most people reading this were born in the '70s and '80s, and back then Korea was a very harsh place.
The Seoul Olympics seemed to lift the economy, then the IMF crisis hit in '97, and now 20 years have passed. The Confucian values taught back then boiled down to "a woman's job is to support her husband at home." That's what the world taught. Your parents, and Korea itself, probably taught you that.
Of course some people are more enlightened, but the era we live in now is capitalism.
If you meet a "good man,"
you don't have to do the daily cleaning and laundry, and cooking becomes something you do as a hobby for your husband and kids.
If there's something you want to do, you can do it more gracefully, and with more free time than other people, you can learn what you want to learn and have what you want to have.
It's not simply about foreign cars and designer bags. It's about getting to enjoy more time than others do.
I think it's because you've never been married, or if you're remarrying, because you experienced a bad marriage, that you never knew why you need to meet a "good man."
The world says things like this:
"Chasing rich men is what gold diggers do." And some women agree and think, "I shouldn't be like that."
And then they make no effort toward it, either. They just sit and wait for someone to come find them.
Thinking back to their glory days, when men came to them professing love without them lifting a finger, they assume men will somehow show up again.
But... if that were possible, why isn't anyone showing up now?
Second, "the reason you can't meet a good man" is that you don't understand men.
You've all been through a breakup, right? Why did it end? There are many possible reasons, but most of them come down to not understanding "the animal called man."
In novels and movies, you've seen a henchman risk his life to protect his boss, or show him loyalty. But... have you ever seen a scene where a woman shows that kind of loyalty? Almost never, right? Is it because men have loyalty and women don't?
No.
It's because the boss made that henchman loyal.
Men tend to value "us" over "me."
The boss had the ability to bring that man inside his fence. A "devoted husband" isn't devoted because of his personality; the woman made him that way.
Have you ever studied how that's done?
Have you ever studied how to make a man give you his full loyalty?
A man who's interested in you can be won if you "study." Matchmaking agencies are something women should be grateful for.
They let you meet men who have the specs.
But then why are there still people who go to a matchmaking agency and can't get married? In the end, how you make that man yours after meeting him is up to "you."
Don't walk into a blind date expecting only that "he'll fall for me." Do a little homework and approach it that way.
Speaking as a counselor, here are just the basics:
- Men can have a hard time too → comfort & offer solutions
- Men want to be acknowledged → acknowledgment and praise
Those two.
It's a completely different form from how women talk to each other.
To put it simply:
- A female friend is having a hard time → empathy + comfort
- A female friend has something nice → compliments + expressing envy
That's how women behave.
With men, you have to behave differently.
I had so much to say that this ran long... Finally, I'll cover "the decisive reason you can't meet a good man" in the next part.
