Signed Up With a Matchmaking Agency and Already on Blind Date Number 15
In my last post I said you need to go on 15 blind dates to find the person you'll marry.
That's half right and half wrong.
Is Registering With a Matchmaking Agency a Free Pass to Marriage?
Among the many single clients who come to see me, quite a few have joined a matchmaking agency.
Most of them still don't really know who they want. They've simply reached a marriageable age, they've already met everyone their friends could set them up with, and so they turn to an agency.
What a lot of people overlook here is this:
They assume that "once I register with an agency, I'll get matched and marriage will take care of itself."
Think that way, and disappointment is guaranteed.
An agency is a place that gives you 'opportunities to meet people', not a place that 'guarantees to get you married'.
I've seen far too many people go through two or three agencies this way, spending money, time and energy, and still give up without finding a partner. It breaks my heart, which is why I'm writing this.
The most common complaint I hear about these introductions is,
"The people I think are decent never ask me for a second date, and only the ones I'm not interested in keep reaching out..."
Why We Can't Meet Our Ideal Type
Why can't we meet our ideal type?
When you keep going on blind dates with no criteria whatsoever, you end up repeatedly meeting
- Someone whose specs aren't bad, but there's no spark
- Someone you like, who isn't interested in you
- Someone who's just not for you
and before you know it, you're sick of meeting people altogether, without ever having started a relationship. I've watched so many people repeat this cycle during their precious marriageable years, and it has always been the thing that pains me most.
How to Tell Whether Someone Is Right for You Without Going on the Date
This is exactly why we map out an Ideal Type Design: to prevent these painful situations. Put simply, it's to cut down on wasted money, wasted time and wasted energy.
In it, you write down your own appeal and the appeal you want in a partner, and that covers not just looks and personality but everything from specs to family background and even family medical history.
Most people stop there even when they think hard about it, but in Ideal Type Design you also write down what you want to receive (from a partner) and what you want to give (to your ideal type).
On top of that, you write about the kind of person who falls for you and the kind of person you fall for.
Why write all this down?
Because in the process of lining those two things up, a to-do list emerges of what we need to do.
Only when what I want to receive matches what the other person wants to give can we make the person we want actually want us back.
That's how you meet your ideal type.
Doing this alone, your head starts to hurt, which is exactly why it matters to have an experienced expert analyze it with a cool head and pinpoint the traits of your ideal type using data on a wide range of people.
Among the clients who come in for counseling, the moments our counselors find most rewarding are when someone who built their Ideal Type Design with us and went on to get married sends a wedding invitation, or an ultrasound photo. That's how meaningful this process is, for the counselors and the clients alike.
How well do you really know your own ideal type?
And how hard are you working to make that ideal type come to you?
