You Know the Signs a Man Is Cheating, Right?
My man is cheating? That is never a pleasant thing.
But what if I never even noticed? That might make it even more infuriating.
To be honest, I have countless clients who come in with the suspicion, "My boyfriend seems to be seeing another woman..."
But when I ask whether they have any grounds for it, most of them can't give a proper answer. Instead they tend to say things like: "It feels like his feelings for me have cooled..." or "His attitude is off..." Those are subjective judgments, not evidence. "I have good instincts..." Yes, that makes even less sense.
Men who cheat can't help giving themselves away somewhere, somehow. The key is catching that "tell" through objective evidence. The things men do when they cheat vary widely, but for you, the reader, I'll walk you through the three most telling pieces of evidence.
1. The mileage on his car jumps.
Anyone who owns a car knows that mileage doesn't usually jump by much. Long-distance trips beyond the usual commute or dates, like business trips to another city or travel, are the kind of thing a man generally tells his girlfriend about before going; they're absolutely not something he does in secret. And a slightly different route or getting lost doesn't make the mileage shoot up either.
These days many couples use location-sharing apps on their phones, so we live in a world where cheating requires a bit more cunning. But a phone can be left behind. That's how you can lie. Mileage, however, doesn't lie.
Another example of this kind of "numbers" evidence is credit card bills. If you haven't seen any noticeable spending but the card bill suddenly goes up, that too can be one of the classic signs of cheating. That said, it's also true that a brief spike in the card bill is hard to call cheating. So what if the increases keep repeating? Then we have "reasonable" grounds to suspect the possibility of cheating.
2. He wants less from the relationship with you.
Many of my female clients tend to assume that if their partner is cheating, he'll stop treating them well. But surprisingly, when a man cheats, it's more often the case that he treats his girlfriend better. Why on earth is that?
It would need a closer analysis depending on the situation, but in many cases it's because the things he wanted to get from the relationship with you are now being filled by someone else. The needs that went unmet in the existing relationship are now satisfied, so he no longer has to ask his girlfriend for the things he used to. On top of that, a dopamine-filled relationship with the affair partner has begun, so naturally his mood improves, and that in turn refills the energy he has for the existing relationship.
Of course, sometimes guilt also makes him treat his girlfriend better.
It makes no sense to automatically suspect cheating just because your boyfriend is being good to you, but what if he suddenly starts acting differently from usual? Then, in most cases, you can be fairly certain there's some reason behind it.
If your boyfriend seems different from usual lately and you can't figure out why, I recommend submitting a diagnosis questionnaire. Through analysis, we can find out whether the reason is cheating or not.
3. He's sensitive to comparisons.
This one, honestly, might be a bit of a gamble for you to test directly. Because it can damage the relationship.
The words that people who are cheating find hardest to bear are comparisons, whether to another person or between how he used to treat you and how he treats you now. Nobody enjoys being compared, but people who are cheating usually get more flustered than you'd expect, or flare up in anger more than the situation calls for. If he reacts like this, there's a strong chance he's cheating.
Comparisons like this are a way to see your partner's emotional reaction right in front of you, but saying them to his face is obviously not going to be good for your relationship. Still, if confirming whether his nerves are properly struck matters more to you than keeping the relationship intact, then yes, it's a usable method. But please, before you make any comparisons, first check your own state: whether you have enough other evidence, and whether you're really seeing this situation objectively.
In this post I've shared the most typical things men do when they cheat. Please use the information I've given you as a reference, but keep firmly in mind that hasty judgments without sufficient grounds are off limits. I've seen many cases where telling a boyfriend or husband "I think you're cheating" only wrecked the relationship for nothing. Cheating or not, remember that maintaining a good relationship and protecting your own image first is ultimately more to your advantage than wrecking things!
What if you're suspicious but not certain? Remember that this is exactly the kind of situation where getting an expert's analysis of your partner's possible cheating is essential. Suspecting your partner of cheating is, in itself, a situation where keeping an objective view is difficult, which makes it all the more important.
And what if none of the items above apply, but you still feel vaguely anxious? In that case it may be your own anxiety, rather than your boyfriend's cheating, that is causing problems in the relationship, so I'd urge you to have that checked by an expert as well.
