The Kind of Woman Men See as Marriage Material

In my counseling work, there's one thing that frustrates my clients most: women of marriageable age who come to me after a breakup, especially after a long-term relationship.

"Why on earth did my boyfriend never bring up marriage?"

"My boyfriend always dodged whenever marriage came up. Did he just not want to marry me?"

Usually in these cases, the woman gets anxious about a partner who never mentions marriage, starts pressing him about it,

and ends up not with a wedding but with a breakup. I see this so often that, based on my counseling, I'm going to point out exactly three things about the kind of woman a man of marriageable age sees as marriage material.

1. A pretty woman

This is the most basic one.

A man has to find a woman attractive, with a look that's his style, before he can picture the rest.

That said, this standard doesn't mean men only like conventionally pretty women;

the looks men typically prefer are

1) a figure that's neither very overweight nor very thin

2) a face that looks like it's smiling

3) well-kept hair, skin, style and so on

Meeting just these three gets you most of the way there.

These three don't require big money or time like plastic surgery; they can be achieved through your own effort,

so they're the best things to have set up as your baseline.

2. A woman without big mood swings

Now for the biggest problem in dating: the problem of "feeling hurt."

There are definitely women who sulk because he didn't take them to a nice restaurant on an anniversary, feel hurt that calls or dates have dropped off compared to before, react sensitively to a single turn of phrase, and then demand to know whether he still loves them.

Men in their 20s have the energy and the time, so they try to accommodate the woman.

But men in their 30s have been through those relationships before and don't want to repeat them,

so by default they come to prefer a woman who is even-tempered and doesn't have big mood swings.

To picture a future together, he wants someone who understands, to a reasonable degree, the hours he puts into work,

who doesn't read meaning into every little thing he does and respond emotionally,

and who respects each other's lives while still making the time together comfortable and fun.

3. A woman who knows how to be happy with small things

These days, thanks to Instagram, Facebook and other social media, we know far too much about other people's lives.

And because those lives are the glamorous, curated kind, our standards for dates and gifts keep climbing.

Someone on an average office salary travels every weekend and hits the trendy Instagram spots,

goes to omakase or fine dining, gifts luxury brands... exposed to all these photos full of showing off,

we naturally compare them to our own relationship, and expectations start to form.

As a result, satisfaction with simple everyday life and ordinary dates keeps dropping,

and men feel a lot of pressure trying to meet those expectations.

In other words, for the woman he'll share his future with, a man wants someone who isn't swayed by showing off or extravagance and can be content with small, simple things.

So what's the core of all of this? In the end, it's "a woman he can picture a future with."

Marriage is the process of choosing the person you'll spend your whole life with.

To become the woman a man sees as marriage material, you have to make him look forward to a future with you.

You may still not quite have a feel for it, though.

Honestly, some of this varies a bit from person to person, and with each situation and environment.

If you still find it hard to figure out how to get your boyfriend to picture a future with you,

submit a diagnosis questionnaire through the link below. I'll analyze it from an expert's perspective.

I hope every one of you makes it safely to marriage with the partner you want and enjoys a happy love.