When Does a Man Decide to Get Married?
When is the moment a man thinks, "I should marry this woman"?
Views on marriage differ from person to person, but when I think back over the many counseling cases where male clients told me the moment they felt certain, "Yes, with this person I could get married," the moments share the following things in common.
1. She's always on my side.
Even in dating counseling, not just marriage counseling, many clients say that when they imagine a future with someone, how reliably that person takes their side matters enormously. If that's true in dating, then in marriage especially, a man hopes to gain a steady "ally" who will always be by his side.
In particular, when things are hard at work, when there's conflict with his parents, or when he's going through a personal struggle, if he feels his girlfriend takes his side and always supports him, the desire to keep this person as his lifelong partner can only grow.
The moment he feels certain that "this person will be by my side, on my side, in good times and bad" is the moment many men decide to marry. Marriage is, after all, about finding the one person who will be on your side for life, the one person you can show weakness to and lean on.
One client who came to me for counseling said the moment he started looking forward to marrying his girlfriend was when, even during a trivial conflict with his parents, she listened to him and comforted him rather than nagging him as if he were pathetic. Many men also say they wanted to marry after seeing a girlfriend who warmly supported them and helped them recover while they were stressed about a promotion or a job change.
2. She's wise.
The marriage partner many men want is a wise woman. Not a woman who always just goes along with what others say, but one who can assert herself when necessary, who can handle the practical problems life throws at her, and who can share worries and work through them together when difficulties arise in dating or marriage. Beyond these, there are many moments that reveal a partner's wisdom, and through those moments a man comes to judge that he could spend his life with this person.
Marriage isn't a promise to share only the happy, joyful moments. Because it's a promise to share the hard moments in life too, from then on he can face difficult times not alone but together with his partner. In those moments, how could someone who cheers him on when he needs encouragement, advises him when he needs advice, and sometimes simply stays quietly by his side not be precious?
Just as there are many moments that reveal a partner's wisdom, each person's standard for wisdom may differ too. Am I a wise woman who can be someone's partner? Am I someone a man would want to spend his life with? If you can answer these questions with confidence, then all that's left is to think about how to show off that charm of yours. If even these questions are hard to answer, becoming a more mature person yourself may come first. Being wise in a relationship isn't something you're born with; it can be learned, so you can get help with this too by submitting a diagnosis questionnaire.
3. She acknowledges me.
What does a man want most from his girlfriend or wife? Acknowledgment. Especially acknowledgment as a good man, as a good husband.
Imagine a wife who hugs you when you come home from a hard day at work and tells you that you worked so hard, that you're amazing. Suddenly even a rough day feels a little less rough.
When a man sees a girlfriend or wife who notices each one of his efforts and thanks him for them, he genuinely feels like trying harder. He wants to treat a wife like that even better. In the end, praising a man is the shortcut to making him work harder for you, so a woman who does this well can also be called a wise woman.
Someone who makes a man feel proud of himself as a man, who makes him walk a little taller, is precious. He won't want to lose her. That moment is exactly when a man decides to get married, so if you don't want to lose this man, just be that kind of woman.
You can easily check how richly you express yourself in a relationship with the following test. You can also take the test about your partner, so even if you're currently dating or about to get married, give it a try.
If you're a woman who dreams of marriage, I hope you'll read the above and look at how far it is from how you actually are. If you feel you're doing well overall, then it's fine to start working toward landing an even better partner. If, honestly, it seems far from how you usually behave, you need to change first to raise your chances of marrying a good man. Are you starting to think that, to marry an attractive man, you need to change a little yourself?
