What You Must Do During the Talking Stage (feat. Why Your Talking Stage Keeps Falling Apart)
This one is dedicated to those of you who have no idea why things always end at the talking stage, and who are finally ready for a real relationship.
First, let me give you the essentials of what you must do during the talking stage.
Not knowing these essentials means not knowing which stage you're in, which means not knowing the range of behavior that's appropriate at that point, and that's how one slip sends the whole thing crashing down. So let's nail the essentials first!
The first things to consider in the talking stage: contact and pace
The talking stage usually wraps up within 2 to 5 weeks. During that time, the general rule is about 3 to 5 dates.
Of course, there are windows where a relationship can happen absurdly fast. For example, at least 3 dates within 1 to 2 weeks? Then a relationship is pretty much guaranteed.
So what is it that trips most people up?
Time. It's time. Not managing 3 dates in 2 weeks is one example.
In the end it comes down to how much priority you give the talking stage. That's where the race against the clock really begins, with a relationship right there in front of you.
The moments when the other person judges you during the talking stage are exactly that: moments. So keep in mind that one wrong choice in the moment, meaning bad timing, can make the whole thing fall apart with the very person you wanted.
To prevent this, we need to ask questions about values ahead of time.
If you're going to ask about contact frequency, the most effective question is probably **"How much do you like to text during the workday?"**
If you message a lot and often without knowing this, you can make the other person think, "Ah, our texting patterns don't match," and from the talking stage onward they'll start seeing the places where you don't fit.
So we ask in advance and align our contact-pattern preferences ahead of time.
Why do we have to make these efforts?
Being in the talking stage means you're at the starting point of building a good relationship together. At that starting point, these efforts are how we explore whether we're each other's ideal type, how bad the worst-case parts are, and whether I can live with them or not.
As an example, what skills does a woman who wants to date an engineering-school nerd need? Probably patience and the ability not to doze off. I'm not saying this to be funny; it's the truth.
Why? Because what engineering guys talk about is, most of the time, genuinely boring.
Picture the exact image that comes to mind when you think "engineering student": glasses, a checkered shirt that looks like his mom bought it, a heavy backpack. This engineering nerd is a little short on social skills but pure-hearted. He tries to output exactly what was input, so even if you try to listen to the end, it can be so dull that you struggle to stay focused.
How should you be able to listen to stories like that anyway? You'd need to be able to react with "Wow, that's so fascinating!" while you listen, right?
Even if you understand none of it and have zero interest in the subject.
So the key during the talking stage is to have a rough grasp of people's personas by job and major!
If you prepare questions in advance and do some research on the group's characteristics, on whether they're the type my charm works on, what they're interested in, whether their environment makes cheating easy, whether they have deal-breakers I can't live with, and so on, your likes and dislikes, you'll have a huge advantage in the talking stage.
In other words, you cut down on wasted time, wasted money and wasted energy.
The reason this prep work is so important is that things like the other person's working hours and how often they work late hit a relationship head-on.
You might wonder, "Do I really need to know their hobbies?"
Yes. You absolutely do.
Say you start dating and your boyfriend goes to a basketball game every Sunday. How would that feel? To put it bluntly, you'd hate the sight of it.
You need to find out the other person's hobbies ahead of time and set your mindset so you won't end up feeling hurt.
So far I've shared the questions, the prep work and the efforts you must make during the talking stage, for all of you whose talking stages always end there.
If you put these tips to use during the talking stage, you can prevent things from falling apart with the person you want, so I strongly recommend sticking to them and using them on your next blind date!
In the next piece, I'll walk you through the stages of the talking stage and the mistakes you must never make at each one, so stay tuned.
