Long-Term Couple, but Your Boyfriend Has No Plans to Marry

You and your boyfriend are both at a marriageable age, the relationship keeps stretching on, 1 year, 3 years, 10 years, and time keeps passing,

but the moment marriage comes up, he leaves the room or changes the subject. Some of you are dealing with exactly this.

For women especially, age matters a great deal when it comes to marriage, so you start to feel desperate about missing the window.

It feels like you're the only one going through this, but it's something a huge number of women and men struggle with.

Are you a long-term couple, but worried because your boyfriend has no plans to marry?

Just reading the points below carefully will solve more than half of it.

Why does he find marriage so burdensome?

What you most want to know is the psychology behind men finding marriage burdensome.

In cases like this, there's a good chance his attachment style is avoidant.

Dig around on YouTube for a minute and you'll find plenty of 'avoidant types are trash, never date an avoidant',

but that's not the kind of talk I'm here for today.

I'll simply share what I've seen from the countless reconciliation counseling sessions I've run.

A boyfriend who finds the marriage everyone else goes through burdensome. What on earth is going on with him?

To understand his position, it's extremely important to put yourself in his shoes.

So let me turn the question back on you.

"Is there any actual problem with not getting married right now?"

"If he marries you, how much will he have to give up?"

Put that way, it should make a little more sense.

In other words, from his side, he's thinking: my daily life is perfectly fine as it is, or my daily life is already overwhelming as it is,

so do I really need to change it through this complicated institution called marriage?

Ultimately, through the whole sequence of experiences in his relationships, whether with you or with people before you,

having someone by his side has never been a relationship that gives him strength when things are hard.

He's only ever experienced relationships that felt like a burden, so rather than something to look forward to, marriage has become a duty and a responsibility he hesitates over\

The single word 'marriage' landed with completely different meanings for the two of you.

When does someone start wanting to get married?

The core of it has already come out above.

What if he genuinely finds himself thinking, 'I'm so glad I have this person rather than being alone'?

Then there'd be no reason for him to turn marriage down.

For example, from counseling many cases in person, I've watched people who were firmly against marriage change even the values they'd long held

for someone important enough that they couldn't bear to lose them,

and that taught me that a person's heart is never absolutely fixed.

Ask yourself this.

Have I treated this person so well that they'd want to hold onto me, even at the cost of changing the values they've built their life on?

If you think you have, you need to look back once more at whether that was what he actually wanted,

or what you wanted to receive.

Figuring out what to give can be tricky here, and the key concept is the 'appeal point'.

An appeal point means what the other person wants and hopes for in a relationship.

This appeal point is so powerful that even if 9 out of 10 things don't line up, as long as that one strong appeal point is met, the rest becomes something they're willing to put up with.

What's the appeal point your boyfriend wants in a relationship, and how well have you been meeting it all this time?

I hope you'll really take stock of that.

Marriage is the process of choosing the person you'll spend your whole life with.

It's a once-in-a-lifetime thing not only for you but for him too, so of course he's going to be careful.

Rather than nagging or sulking because he won't marry you,

getting an objective read on why you want to marry him while he doesn't want to marry

will help far more in reaching the outcome you want without creating needless conflict in the relationship.

If his situation made it hard for him to commit to marriage for other reasons, or if you simply can't figure out what his appeal point is,

I'd also recommend submitting a diagnosis questionnaire through the link below and getting an expert diagnosis.

If you're in a long-term relationship right now with a boyfriend who has no plans to marry,

I hope you'll take the points above to heart and get to marry the person you truly want.