Can a Man in His 30s Who Has Never Dated Get Married?

I'm 35 and have never dated. Can I still get married?

If you're over 35, have never dated, and have zero interest in marriage, you wouldn't be reading this. Never having dated isn't a problem in itself, but if you do want to get married, it's only natural to worry about how on earth you're supposed to do that after a lifetime of being single.

Men who have never dated aren't single because they're always lacking something compared to men with lots of dating experience.

Sometimes that's the case, sometimes it isn't. But there is a reason you've never dated, and if you look at those reasons, you'll find your bearings on how to start dating and get married.

1. You never created opportunities to meet a variety of women. Men who have never dated are often in environments where they simply don't have the chance to mix with women. Maybe you work alone as a freelancer and rarely meet anyone, or you work at a male-dominated company. On top of that, your hobby is gaming alone? Or a soccer club full of nothing but guys? Then things look pretty bleak. But look around: people like this don't always fail at dating, do they? People with lots of dating experience naturally create chances to meet all kinds of people. They enjoy meeting new people, they don't turn down introductions from friends, and they show up to mixed-gender gatherings. Of course, having those opportunities doesn't guarantee things will work out with anyone, but so what? There's nothing to lose, and who knows, you might at least make a friend! That's the mindset you need to explore every opportunity. If you refuse to meet anyone until the perfect person comes along, nothing will ever happen. Just meet people, whoever they are.
2. You put up walls without realizing it. Odds are there were moments in your life when you did have the chance to meet someone. But if, more than a few times, you turned a woman down when she worked up the courage to approach you because it felt awkward or there was no attraction at first sight, or you declined an introduction because you "weren't in a rush", or skipped a gathering because you wanted to be alone, then the opportunities you did have gradually dried up. The people around you started seeing you as the guy who doesn't take introductions, the guy who isn't interested in dating, and before you knew it you'd lost countless chances. To naturally bring those opportunities back, you need to show the people around you that you're open to meeting someone new. Constantly begging for introductions is a problem, sure, but so is keeping your desire to date too much to yourself.
3. You have far too little confidence, or far too much. This is a self-awareness issue. Plenty of men are perfectly attractive in other people's eyes and could easily date a great woman, but have no idea they're attractive. How could someone like me ever date... how could I possibly be the one to ask for her number... With that timid mindset, it's hard to get anything started. If all you do is wait for someone to approach you, the odds are, once again, that nothing happens. Sometimes you have to find your confidence and be brave. On the flip side, there are definitely men who need to put in the work to meet a good person and get married: taking better care of their appearance, improving how they talk, building their career. But what if you make no effort to raise your own value and just vaguely hope a great person shows up? Think about it from the other side. You need to check first whether you're actually worth having as a partner.

I once worked with a man who was decent-looking and had a stable job at a good company, but was troubled by the fact that he'd never dated. He loved working out and was very fit, but when we looked at his daily life, there were genuinely no opportunities to meet women. His friends were all cut from the same cloth, so no introductions came his way, and he was shy enough that approaching a woman first was out of the question.

He came in for counseling, cleaned up his look with new hair and clothing styling, learned how to talk so he could hold a relaxed conversation on a first meeting, and practiced showing off his best qualities. Then he went to a small social gathering and, to his delight, immediately exchanged numbers with someone he liked and started seeing her.

As that case shows, it may be surprisingly easy! But if you keep going on your own the way you are now, nothing may ever change.

If you recognize yourself in the points above but have no idea how to fix them, or if none of it rings true but getting started on dating and marriage still feels daunting, you need to figure out what needs to change in your specific situation. I recommend submitting the diagnosis questionnaire.