Can You Get Over a Relationship Slump?
You were thinking about marrying this person, and then the slump hit.
It's painful for both of you. It feels hollow, like all the time you've spent together is about to evaporate, and on the other hand, unless someone new has already caught your eye, the thought of meeting and getting to know a whole new person at this point feels daunting and awkward. The longer you've been together, the more seriously you've talked about marriage, the older you are, the more that's true. So please don't give up easily just because a slump has arrived.
In the moment the slump hits, you may no longer feel excited about a future with this person, but you also need to think about what you'd gain and what you'd lose by ending the relationship right now. If you're sure you'd have no regrets letting them go, you're confident you can meet a better partner, and you have a plan for getting there, then breaking up is fine. It might even be better to break up and find someone better.
But if that's not the case, if honestly this person is a fine candidate for marriage... and finding someone better isn't easy... and the only thing missing is the spark? Then shouldn't you get through the slump and build this into a stronger, more stable relationship?
The truth is, feelings come and go: they seem to vanish, then show up again out of nowhere. That's why a relationship slump can be overcome. Today let's go over 3 things to remember to get through a slump in your relationship.
1. Don't take a break
Wouldn't a little time apart bring back your feelings for them? If you spent some time apart or each focused on your own lives, wouldn't you start to feel the empty space?
This is one of the biggest misconceptions and mistakes people make about getting over a slump. In most cases, "taking a break" turns into an actual breakup. If you just vaguely wait for the feelings to revive on their own, either nothing happens, or whatever feeling was left disappears too.
We actually get a lot of counseling requests from people who suggested taking a break to try to get over a slump, and then broke up because the feelings never came back. The sad part is that many of them end up regretting it once the aftershock of the breakup hits. To prevent that, the priority should be trying to repair the relationship, rather than rushing into a breakup.
If you know the relationship needs repairing but have no idea what to try, submitting a diagnosis questionnaire is a good way to find out what change your relationship needs right now.
2. Rekindle the spark
As I said above, feelings can appear out of nowhere. That's all the more true because people are far more influenced by circumstances than they realize. First, look at your circumstances now, in the slump, versus the early days of the relationship.
Has the amount of contact or the number of dates dropped? What about where you go on dates? Have ordinary, routine dates gradually taken over from special ones? Physical affection? Expressing your feelings?
No matter how much you care about each other, when nothing exciting ever happens, the heart can feel as if the feelings are gone. Create exciting situations and the excitement can come back. Even if doing something you haven't done in a while feels awkward, give it a try. A new, unusual kind of date is great, and so is revisiting moments you once enjoyed together.
Think about the talking stage when you first meet someone. At first there aren't strong feelings between you, but when a date feels exciting, you start seeing the other person differently. That's possible even when it's not a first meeting. It may be easier to understand if you think of it as going through the talking stage all over again.
Has it been ages since you even thought about where to go on a date? Start by reviving a little light interest.
3. Find the cause
Honestly, number 3 is the most important. Because not every couple that's been together a long time hits a slump.
Maybe repeated conflicts have worn you both down, maybe physical distance has grown, or maybe something has emerged that you just don't agree on. Only when you know the cause can you know more precisely which attempts will actually rekindle the spark.
Finding the problem that caused the slump, showing that you've changed, and making the relationship exciting again as a result: that's ultimately how a slump gets resolved.
The most important thing is to resolve to fix the underlying problem, rather than assuming it's just because you've been together so long and that it's time to break up.
Torn between whether this slump can be overcome or whether you should give up? Or you want to get past it, but even after reading this you can't figure out the cause? We can work through every concern around getting over a relationship slump together, so I recommend submitting a diagnosis questionnaire.
